the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
