giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
