in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
