I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
