i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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