I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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