Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
