Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
