You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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