Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
