Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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