we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
