I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
