I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
