as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My penis needs a shock collar
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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