Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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