Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
