yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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