Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
