the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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