I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
