My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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