i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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