the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
