Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
