His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We left the knife in your bed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
