So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
