i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
