1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
