soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
