You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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