I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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