I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
