no you cant smoke seaweed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
