Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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