god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
