I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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