pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
