he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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