All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i love accidental penises.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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