You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
