When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
