It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
