wat bout pragnant strippers??
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
