it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
