Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
