Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
