I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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