she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
