Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
