It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
