If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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