i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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